2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
