It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
