i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
