I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
