he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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