Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize