I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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