Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
