Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
