Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
