No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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