I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
