I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
