I skipped work to stalk him.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
