Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
