It's Friday. Sex?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
