Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
