Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
