found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
