she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
And then he peed in my hair
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