I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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