when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
