Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This baby is an asshole
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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