nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
