all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
