How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
