there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
