i love accidental penises.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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