so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
