is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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