He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
