you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am midnight drunk by noon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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