Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
