"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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