I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
