I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
