sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
