My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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