they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
