god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
be right there i have to get my cape
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
