i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
