so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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