"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
