Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
