So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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