Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
