we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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