we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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