Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
