I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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