I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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