I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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