1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
