i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
