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quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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