mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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