Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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