the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
