All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
