I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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