fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
