i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize