Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
