thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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