she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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