the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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