After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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