I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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