Where is the hickey?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize